Monthly Archives: August 2012

One step forward, two steps back…

So I finally talked to my doctor about my bad knee, and how it aches and swells when I walk a lot. She’s sending me to an orthopedic doctor because she can tell there is something wrong with it. So that appointment is week after next, and we’ll get that settled and work on strengthening it back up.

So of COURSE this is the perfect time for me to hurt my other leg. And I can’t figure out what I’ve done. Yesterday I got down onto my knees in the floor to play with the cat, and my left leg (without the bad knee) felt funny. I figured it was just my jeans pulling weird or something, it wasn’t pain, just weird.

Then today I was in the floor again while I was cleaning and it obviously is the muscle in my leg. My husband thinks I’ve pulled it, which makes no sense to me because I haven’t done anything that would pull it. But it hurts and I’m getting grumpy because every time I take a step to fix one thing, another thing goes wrong. I’m tired of my body being too broken to get anything done.

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Making good new habits

It’s so impossible to make a habit. Though I need to stop trying to make more than one at a time.

I’ve mostly been doing well with eating when I get up. Though I haven’t fixed my sleep schedule yet, so calling it “breakfast” doesn’t really work. But I get up and drink a shake and that’s alright. Except when I don’t remember to buy milk, or in the case of last Friday I was leaving town so there was no point in buying milk.

But the thing is, if I get thrown off by even the slightest bit, not only do I end up ruining that day but several days after. Friday I had no milk, so I got up and the plan was to eat something else. But I didn’t find anything I wanted and so I just didn’t.

And that knocked me off kilter again and I still haven’t gotten back from it. Hopefully tomorrow.

Sleep is the same way. I’ll be doing well, going to bed by midnight, getting up by 10 (those are the vague times I set for myself, because I rarely sleep that entire time) and then one night I’ll need to stay up for work or I’ll sleep in one day because I don’t feel well and boom, right back to square one.

It’s frustrating. I’m starting to feel like I have no will power to actually make a change in my life. I’m not sure how to get that either. I know all the logical health reasons I have to change all of these things. I know how much better I feel when I am taking care of myself.

And yet the second it becomes difficult, I drop off again. Not to mention that it always requires conscious thought. I’d like the whole “drinking a bottle of water a day” thing to be something I do without thinking much. I just get a bottle from the fridge and drink it as I work and done. But I have to really make myself. I have to actively make myself go to bed and get up, because I don’t get tired and I don’t wake up wanting to get out of bed.

I’ve got no idea how to fix any of that.

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Skin care

Skin care is on my mind these days, because I just went to a dermatologist to get my yearly skin check, which I haven’t done for a while because my insurance was terrible.

The good news is that I got a clean bill of health.

The bad news is that once again I was reminded that I can’t really go out in the sun that much, because my skin is so fair and I have such a high risk for skin cancer. In addition, my skin is very sensitive so I have to worry about what kind of sunscreen I’m using.

I just picked up an Aveeno moisturizer that has sunscreen in it. But I’ve also been talking with the one of the ladies at the dermatologist about my skin care routine, trying to repair all the damage years of neglect and harsh treatments have caused it. On the one hand, these treatments and products seem like a good idea and like they’ll be good for me in the long run. But I wonder how in the world a person is supposed to stay clean and take care of their skin on the trail.

Obviously I’ll have to pack a massive amount of sunscreen and apply it regularly, which I’ve talked about before. But what about just washing my face? Is this trip going to undo any progress I make between now and then? I can’t imagine packing a multiple product skin care regime in my pack, so it’s something to think about.

But in the mean time, I still haven’t really gotten into the habit of walking every day. Sleep and my sleep schedule continue to be a problem, though I’m finally going to a doctor about that issue too, my blood tests are in a few days. So here’s hoping we figure it out and I can start dealing with that so I can start really training!

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