It’s so impossible to make a habit. Though I need to stop trying to make more than one at a time.
I’ve mostly been doing well with eating when I get up. Though I haven’t fixed my sleep schedule yet, so calling it “breakfast” doesn’t really work. But I get up and drink a shake and that’s alright. Except when I don’t remember to buy milk, or in the case of last Friday I was leaving town so there was no point in buying milk.
But the thing is, if I get thrown off by even the slightest bit, not only do I end up ruining that day but several days after. Friday I had no milk, so I got up and the plan was to eat something else. But I didn’t find anything I wanted and so I just didn’t.
And that knocked me off kilter again and I still haven’t gotten back from it. Hopefully tomorrow.
Sleep is the same way. I’ll be doing well, going to bed by midnight, getting up by 10 (those are the vague times I set for myself, because I rarely sleep that entire time) and then one night I’ll need to stay up for work or I’ll sleep in one day because I don’t feel well and boom, right back to square one.
It’s frustrating. I’m starting to feel like I have no will power to actually make a change in my life. I’m not sure how to get that either. I know all the logical health reasons I have to change all of these things. I know how much better I feel when I am taking care of myself.
And yet the second it becomes difficult, I drop off again. Not to mention that it always requires conscious thought. I’d like the whole “drinking a bottle of water a day” thing to be something I do without thinking much. I just get a bottle from the fridge and drink it as I work and done. But I have to really make myself. I have to actively make myself go to bed and get up, because I don’t get tired and I don’t wake up wanting to get out of bed.
I’ve got no idea how to fix any of that.